I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
