If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
