FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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