I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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