He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
