I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
