I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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