what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
