he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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