we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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