I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
