Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
