The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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