Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
