You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
