He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
