I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
