How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
