she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
