Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
