shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
