i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
