I'm lost and stupid without you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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