A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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