So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
