How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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