at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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