Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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