Are we in a gay sports bar?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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