i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
