i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
