I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
