I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
