she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
