I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
