Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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