Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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