the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
