I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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