The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
