you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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