Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
