You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
