I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
