I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
