is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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