All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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