proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
