your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Houston, we have a blender
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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