hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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